Growing up in Northampton, MA with two moms you'd think I'd be quite the feminist already. And while I am in some ways I've never really had to get in touch with that side of myself in any big way since (luckily) I have never felt my role as a woman be threatened. But living in Santiago, Chile has sure made me get in touch with the feminist in me and become more passionate about women's rights as well as learn how to voice the opinions that I am now forming and discovering. Today was one of those times where the feminist in me could not stay quiet.
I had to jump through all of these hoops (aka wait in 3 hour long longs for things that took only 2 minutes to complete and run to three different offices in Santiago) in order to get my work visa here in Chile stamped and my picture for my new ID taken before all of the offices close at 2pm. So I was already a little bit irritated when a guy asked me if we were waiting in line to pay and I agitatedly said, "I don't know what we're here for exactly, I'm just following the instructions". Then he and his friends took this opportunity to start a conversation with me and asked me where I was from, what I'm doing in Chile, if I like Chile, etc and I responded kindly and asked them the same questions. One was from Peru, the other from Bolivia, and the other was from Ecuador all living and working now in Chile.
Shortly after, they, like many men here do, began with the pick up lines, "mami que linda", "Eres hermosa", "pero que guapa"...etc and I made a weird/distorted/irritated face and looked away. They kind of got the message that those pick up lines did not work on me so they started to ask me more questions about my time here in Chile and the news but frequently found it necessary to throw in some compliments, pick up lines and demeaning comments throughout the conversation. One of them asked me if I could say some words in English and I agreed. They started asking me to translate these pick up lines like "Mi reina", "mi princesa", "huachita rica que me gustas", "hermosita", and told me they wanted to know how to say these things to a pretty girl who they see. I told them that if they call out these things to girls on the street or even start expressing them to a girl they just meet, the girl will most like turn around and walk away, or in the least will feel very uncomfortable and probably silently angry.
They looked confused and one said, "What? But girls like to hear these things, it makes them feel good." And I told them, "No, it makes them feel like they are objects and not real people; it is very machista". And the man from Bolivia started to nod his head and said to the others, "She's right, it is kind of objectifying". The man from Ecuador asked me, "Then what are you supposed to do if you think a girl is attractive?" I said, "Treat them with respect and like a human being". They all nodded pensively and the man from Ecuador said, "Ok, well I will do that with gringas but I will keep saying these things to Chileans because those girls like it". And I explained, "Well I know that all of the Chilean women I have spoken with hate it just as much as I do so I would be careful". They were all pondering this. He asked me, "What is your name?" I told him and he said, "Ok, so I should call you Liza then, not mami?" "Exactly! You got it, that is treating me with respect and as a person". They all nodded and looked at me with what appeared to be a look of sincere understanding (although still with a sense of surprise). Then (after over an hour) each of our numbers were called and we went our separate ways.
I can't begin to explain to you the sense of fulfillment I felt having been able to express to a group of men that they NEED to treat women with respect and as equals, AND having them actually be able to hear me and perhaps even understand. It gives me hope that slowly, maybe, women will eventually be able to walk down the streets in peace, feeling comfortable in their femininity and who they are as a person instead of a spectacle for men to comment on and proclaim their ownership.
Right? They don't do these things for the women, they use women to selfishly proclaim their "masculinity". The actual identity and opinions of women are not important, it is all about the man. Women (in their minds) are just a means by which they demonstrate their own masculine image.
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